and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
where does the pee come out of this thing
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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