She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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