as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
