i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize