I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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