Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
