my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
