my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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