as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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