It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
