am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
