Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
