have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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