Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
