I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
