Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
