I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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