Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
