He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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