i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
