So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
