Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
