...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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