her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
