They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
