it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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