I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
