last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
