Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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