I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
