you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
