speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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