I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
