i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
All I want is dick and wine.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
