am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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