That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
