There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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