You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
