Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just found puke in my bra..
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
