I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
