Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
