you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
