He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
