you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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