yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
