There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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