i just wanna soil my oats bro
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
