Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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