I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
