Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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