Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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