He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
