Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize