he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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