oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
