I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Semen is not good for contacts.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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