She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
