Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
