$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
