Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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