at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize