Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
