Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Boobs are out for the taking
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
