I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
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