I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
