My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
