Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
