I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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