Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
