Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
