Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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