Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
