you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
