Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
