I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
