he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
