I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
