I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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