No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
