How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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