If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
