I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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