the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The struggles of a small town man whore
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
