He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
